Tuesday, September 4, 2012


sharing a bit of my heart.
just in case someone else
needs to hear it.

i had a conversation with a friend today.
it was much needed.
don't you love how god will
put a little conversation in your path
just to make you feel like you can
actually relate to someone.
especially when you are feeling
oh so unrelateable (not a word).

life lately has been filled with changes.
with lately i mean the last 3 years.
but especially the last 6 months.

i feel the need to redefine.

there have been numerous losses
in my life.
at first, i looked at them negatively.
now, i see them as the sweet hand of god.
molding my life.
molding me.

my friend and i chatted today
about how we have been feeling lately.
not bad.
not good.
just different.

we know there is a need to redefine
our futures.
our lives.

it's weird because, right now,
i am surrounded by people who are
redefining themselves.
coming into their own.
getting exactly what they have
worked for in their lives.

my dad has had a career change.
a priority shift.
and i am watching this man
who i have known my entire life
in good ways.
becoming more of who 
god wants him to be.
realizing what's important.

my mom is finally living for herself.
she lived for many years for me and my brothers.
which i am forever grateful.
but, now, it is time for something else.
for her to begin her dream job.
for her to feel comfortable in
her own skin.
i am watching her
find joy in every aspect of her life.
find a purpose in everything she does.

my brothers.
they are growing up.
they are both figuring out what they want.
they are both in a good place.
choosing careers.
one of them is in love.
one is coming into his own.
i am so grateful i get to see them
making so much progress.
making themselves happy.
i am so proud of them
and what they are achieving.

while i sit in awe of the people i love.
and their amazing drive.
it reminds me that i need to 
get it together.
figure out all i want.
make it happen.

for my entire life,
i was defined by a large group
of amazing friends.
these people who knew me.
really knew me.
had all the history.
saw all the flaws.
and still, loved me through and through.
life has shifted the dynamic of the group.
god has shifted the dynamic of the group.
things have changed.

my heart aches when i think 
about them
because for so long
that's all it was.

i felt defined by independence.
i enjoyed taking care of myself.

being married,
doesn't allow as much independence.
it seems your husband
would prefer you to be a tad

these are just a couple of examples.
i could go on and on.
but, i'm sure you're bored already.

the point is,
i am trusting that sweet man upstairs.
i am reminding myself 
that i am a solja :)
and i can handle this transition.

my friend and i 
know that god 
is trying to make us flexible.
we both freely admit to being 
control freaks.

i just see all these things that god
has put into motion but almost
stalled them.
i see that this is a season
to redefine.
he's giving me time
to be ready for the blessings
he is about to let loose
in my life.

i know i need
to repurpose myself.
to be content.
with the now.

so now i am vowing to:

create more.
use it as my therapy again.

nurture my current relationships.
with god, with my boo, with my fam,
with those sweet kiddos,
with friends.

take care of my physical body again.
stick to weight watchers, run, take time to pamper.

embrace the life of a wife.
find joy in cooking, in nights at home, 
in going to bed early with my hubs.

slowing down to find me (now).
try new things, go more new places,
spend time with god in different ways.

and to my dear friend.
i love ya.
to pieces.
thanks for the chat.
we will get through this uncomfortable time.
we will be the bomb once god is through.
we will learn so many lessons.
we will appreciate this
beautiful life
so much more.

thanks for listening
to a little piece of my heart.



  1. Been there, done that and keep re-defining all the time. It is an ever changing journey we are on.. God allows the break down so there is room to build our faith. I am encouraged by your words... thanks for writing!

  2. It sounds like an exciting season in your life. I love that you are actively looking at making the changes.

  3. Sounds like big change is taking place. A lot of growth and maturing. Good luck with everything! (P.S. Love your thrifty style! :)

  4. what a strong, self aware woman you are. i'm proud that you've chosen happiness. xoxo

  5. beautifully written. I think you're on the right track. :)