around here...

let's be real.

please.

can we?

our houses aren't always clean.

things aren't always put away

in their places.

life gets hectic for everyone

and, sometimes, we just can't keep

it all together.

we instagram beautiful, inspiring photos.

we blog about the best parts of life.

the picture perfect ones.

vera and i had a conversation on 

our way to the longest yard sale

about how we admire our instagram

and blogging friends that keep it real.

how frustrating it is when people 

are in anthropologie

every single day.

(as stay at home moms)

when, four days after having a baby,

people are right back in their size 2 pencil

skirts with NO muffin top.

c'mon.

(just as a side note: lord if you want to 

bless me with NO muffin top and a 

size 2 pencil skirt body four days

after the birth of my child, i will gladly

accept and instagram the heck out of it :)

when people have these amazingly

creative beautiful homes that always,

always look so perfect.

trust me, i love following those people

because their lives are beautiful

and most of them are wonderful people,

but, it just ain't reality. 

while i don't think we should be negative

or complain or only talk about the bad,

it's refreshing when we keep it real.

just to let other women know,

we are in some of the same places too.

we aren't perfect.

today, i am going to blog from my heart.

my random thoughts right now.

i'm just gonna treat my little blog

as a journal.

around here...

things are not always perfectly in order.

right now,

with the start of a new school year,

our house is a mess.

there are what i call "the piles."

yes, i know, clever name.

every single teacher in america knows about these.

the piles that you bring home each day and say,

"oh yea, i'll work on this tonight, at home."

and then, you have so many piles that only like

two tasks get done and the piles take over.

yea, that's happening right now.

there's also this.

laminated things everywhere.

just randomly set down around the house.

waiting for hands with scissors.

there is laundry.

lots and lots of laundry.

lots, as far as two people go.

i'm usually very much on top of that.

right now, not so much.

(ps. there were a few more embarrassing piles

in our bathrooms that i couldn't bare to photograph.)

there are dead plants.

and plants in the process of going to jesus.

i just don't remember to water plants

in the midst of the day.

lord i mean, honestly,

i have to make sure they get close to

a window at some point and i have to supply

them with water every day.

don't these stupid plants do anything

to keep themselves alive?

it's just too much.

there are also loads and piles

and stacks of mail and papers

and total randomness.

like 3/4 of our countertops

are covered in this.

i mean, what is this?

i couldn't even tell you.

i collect all things old,

my husband collects mail and papers.

hey, to each his own.

and then,

there's this room.

the extra bedroom downstairs.

the one where all the boxes 

were unpacked,

and not unpacked.

the one that i just haven't gotten to.

the one filled with so many pretty treasures

that i'm just uninspired to place in a home.

the house is dusty, the floors need to be mopped,

i am as chub a lub as can be

and i don't plan on making a run anytime soon.

i say i will but, let's be honest, it ain't gonna happen.

i haven't cooked in weeks.

the most action that the kitchen sees

is me powering up the keurig and grabbing a coke.

that's all.

caffeine not cuisine.

man that was clever too.

cheesy as heck, but clever. 

i try to eat healthy

and then, that just doesn't happen either.

the little OCD man that lives in my head

is standing on his front porch screaming at the top

of his lungs.

my cellulite cells and fat rolls

are also making their presence

very much known.

(i know TMI but that's the realness) 

with all that said,

i do not want to glorify busy.

everyone is busy.

extremely, in their own ways.

the people with kids,

lord be with you.

you must be laughing right

now because this is nothing to you.

i'm not sure how you do it all with kids.

with other little lives.

i swear i have so much respect and 

admiration for you.

kuddos.

your job is the hardest

and one that is not glorified enough.

my point is,

with all this "out of orderness,"

i would normally be going nuts.

i would normally be developing

some sort of twitch or hearing

at least 2 voices by now.

however, this time around,

i am not.

you see, i have run from this teaching career

for a very, very long time.

i got bumped a few times,

but, i also ran from it every chance i got.

i dabbled in a bunch of different jobs

that i thought would satisfy my soul.

that i thought god had given.

i was so wrong.

i was working another job

and there was a sunday sermon about

letting your light shine.

about finding and using your ministry.

i sobbed the entire time.

it was like god was sitting next to me,

quietly whispering in my ear,

"you walked away from your ministry."

i knew as soon as that service was over,

i belonged in the classroom.

i knew god had allowed me to dabble

because he knew that i wouldn't

be at peace until i had tried it my way.

he knew, eventually, i'd come around.

for so long,

i thought this job was under appreciated,

it is.

i thought i would make no money

for the amount of work i did,

i don't.

i thought it was too hard

and i couldn't detach myself

from these children after one year,

i can't.

i thought it is so many hours

of non-stop work,

there are no breaks,

(contrary to popular belief)

there aren't.

i thought with all the other

jobs in the entire world,

why would i do this.

the answer,

because HE created me to do this.

this is my ministry.

i'm not saying that i will do this forever.

but, i know, right now,

at this stage in my life,

i'm right where he wants me.

with this, i find peace.

so much peace.

there is nothing like teaching.

it is the most thankless, rewarding job there is.

it is the most underpaid, priceless profession.

i may never make the kind of difference

i want to make.

i may only have these kids

for a small portion of their lives.

but, if i touch one.

one.

then i did what he has instructed me to do.

i'm doing this for some reason.

someone is in control

of all this.

i am trusting him.

so, now, that i have embraced the fact

that, yes, i am a teacher, 

i am able to let all this 

mess and clutter and "not so perfectness," go.

i am able to feel validated simply

by knowing i am pleasing my god.

i am able to know that just because

i don't have it all together, all the time,

i am still a decent person.

i am able to realize that no this career

is not glamorous, at all, but, 

i am everything to a few precious

babies who receive nothing

from a lot of people.

i am able to smile, breathe, and enjoy life.

right where i am.

at this moment.

messy realness and all.