Sunday, January 4, 2015

21 days...

so brace ya selves.
i'm gonna post something 
super personal to me.
for some reason,
i feel like i need to get this out.

maybe someone else needs
to read it,
maybe i just need to
get it off my chest.
maybe i just need to post
it to be more accountable.

our pastor has called a fast for
21 days at our church.
for those of you unfamiliar,
fasting is done as a sacrifice.
it makes our flesh weaker
and our spirit stronger.

some people will fast when
looking for answers,
some will fast as a sacrifice,
some will fast for a breakthrough

i will give one thing up
when our church is called to fast.

for example, 
i won't have coke for 21 days.
i usually just pick one thing and 
remove that for the time of fasting.

it's usually up to you what
you will fast from and 
it should be done prayerfully and
with the big man's direction.

this time,
i've decided to fast from
food and do just juice for 21 days.
there are a few reasons
that i have chosen to fast
from food.

because our pastor is
asking it of us and i want to be
obedient to him and what
he is feeling led by god to do.

because i honestly could use
a good cleanse.
i feel like nothin but junk food
and soft drinks and yuck has gone
into my body for the past
three weeks and i need to fuel
it with some good stuff.

(and most importantly)
i need a spiritual breakthrough.

i don't want to completely cut out
food because i've never done that
before and i'm not sure if it would
be the best choice while
teaching kindergarten all day.

juicing would be a huge sacrifice for me.
one of the reasons is it will kill
me not to have coke and starbucks
and food.

another is juicing takes a long
time to actually prepare the juice 
and to do it for that many days 
will be a huge
sacrifice of my time.
i plan on playing some worship
music while i'm juicing
those veggies.
praising and produce.

i feel that i have to do this.
i'm at a crossroads spiritually.
i don't even know how to explain it.

i need some answers from god.
i need some direction.
i need some encouragement.

i am so hungry for god.
i am so hungry for his will
and his purpose in my life.
i want to be his vessel.
i want him to use me
however he wants.

i am sick of smoke and mirrors.
i am sick of productions.
i am sick of fake.

i need to be a part of god's 
work and HIS purpose.

i need to be used when
and how he wants to use me.
i don't want it to be about me.
i don't want it to be about
pleasing others.

i want it to be about HIM!
i want it to be about his people
and his work!

i am so sick of certain things
that i feel like i will go nuts 
if they don't change
or if i don't change the way
i feel about them.

there are some things
that i just can't make peace with
that i need god to release me from.

he has been putting so many things,
ministry wise,
on my heart these past 6 months
and im so scared to listen.
im so scared to just take
the leap of faith.

im scared people will think
im not holy enough,
im not spiritual enough,
im not enough.

but HE is enough
and i have got to trust that.

my ministry has always
been behind the scenes.
i don't talk about a lot of the things
i do or the seeds i sew very much
because i feel like that is 
something that is between me
and god
and should mostly
remain that way.

lately i feel like god
is trying to move me into
different places and have me
take on new avenues.

i'm just scared. 

im also scarred.
certain situations from the past
have caused me to doubt myself
and doubt what i have heard 
from god.

i don't want to let
myself down.
i don't want to let god down.

and i can't do that anymore.
i can't waste anymore time.
i have to listen to what god is
saying and be obedient to
what he is asking of me.

i love him so much.
i love the way he loves.
i love his grace.
i love his presence.
i love the way he disciplines me.
i love the way he understands me.
i love him and want more of him.

i am setting these 21 days aside
to sacrifice.

i will pray diligently.
i will seek him.
i will be quiet and listen
for his voice.
i am going to do everything
in my power to get past this 
season and come out
exactly where i am supposed to be.

because there are so many people
out there that i must reach.
that i must show the love of god to.
that i must help.
that i must hug.
that i must love.

one time i was sitting next
to one of my students and he looked
at me and said, "mrs. burke,
you love god, huh?"
and i said, "yes baby, i love him tons
and i love that he loves me
enough to let me hang out with you
every single day."
and he said, "oh mrs. burke i love that too.
he's a pretty cool dude, huh?"

yes. he is a pretty 
cool dude.
the coolest.
and after all he's done for me
and those that are dear to me,
the least i can give is
21 days...


1 comment:

  1. Awesome post! I will be praying for you, you're going to do great and God will honor your obedience and sacrifice.